Picture if you will, a packed airplane. You're sitting in the middle seat in row 34 out of 35. The man on your left takes off his shoes (ONE OF MY, I mean YOUR PET PEEVES!)and insists on humming to himself. The woman on you right shifts restlessly and hogs the arm rest. You haven't eaten since breakfast and it is now 5pm. All you can do is imagine the sandwich you will order from room service as soon as you get to the hotel. Suddenly the captain comes on and says there is a medical emergency on board and the plane is being diverted to Omaha Nebraska. Omaha? Do they have airports in Omaha? The plane lands 30 minutes later and medics escort the elderly man off. Another 10 minutes go by before the captain announces that the plane has to wait to be refueled and related paperwork. The plane is now in hibernate mode and the air conditioning shuts off. People are getting restless and the whole plane has the sudden urge to use the restrooms that are right behind row 35. U.S. Domestic air travel post September 11th has done away with in flight meals (unless you're in first class). You're now left with a packet of 5 pretzels and a cool beverage (which you decide against because the line for the bathroom now reaches the cockpit). DAMN YOU AL-QUEDA! Another 45 minutes and you say your final farewell to Omaha. (Final, because during the wait you couldn't think of one good reason, aside from a medical emergency, to ever return to Omaha. You make a mental note to listen to Omaha by Counting Crows when you get home). Another 2.5 hours and you finally land in Southern California. Unfortunately, the crew in Omaha needs go back to a remedial door closing course because no one can get the door open. Another 20 minutes (without air conditioning) and you are finally off the plane. You have to wait 20 minutes for the hotel shuttle. It's 11pm by the time you get to your room. Hungry, but too tired to eat. You barely close your eyes and the phone rings. Why does your husband insist at calling at 5am....
Just when I thought my day was bad, D tell me the baby has been throwing up. I arrange for my dad to watch her and rush off to my meetings. By the time D calls me at 1 to tell me that the boy got sick at school, I'm already feeling queasy. I'll spare you all the details but let's just say we all caught a nasty bug. I'm home now and my toilet is my new best friend. I'm having flashbacks of a New Year's Eve during college where my best friends and I went to the bar to see a band. We ended up back at my friend's house and we drew straws to see which bathroom we would be "assigned" to. I woke up with the guest bathroom floor tile imprinted on the right side of my face. I'm glad those days are over..
Just when I thought my day was bad, D tell me the baby has been throwing up. I arrange for my dad to watch her and rush off to my meetings. By the time D calls me at 1 to tell me that the boy got sick at school, I'm already feeling queasy. I'll spare you all the details but let's just say we all caught a nasty bug. I'm home now and my toilet is my new best friend. I'm having flashbacks of a New Year's Eve during college where my best friends and I went to the bar to see a band. We ended up back at my friend's house and we drew straws to see which bathroom we would be "assigned" to. I woke up with the guest bathroom floor tile imprinted on the right side of my face. I'm glad those days are over..
posted by Mint Chutney at 10:41 AM
Mint Chutney
Chicago, United States
Wife, mother, corporate peon.
10 Comments:
oh nooooooo. So it'll all be over and distant memory in two days. (i hope).
I'll be flying halfway around the world in less than two weeks. If my experience even vaguely resembles yours, I will open the door and hurl myself out of the plane. (And probably land face down on the tarmac, because the plane was grounded due to an irreparably damaged flux capacitor...)
That has got to be the WORST flight story I've ever heard. BTW, why exactly did they get rid of in-flight meals? Surely they're not a terrorist threat?
Hmm.. not much unlike my own story of flying to SFO, from Pittsburgh, VIA DC !!! Where the plane waited for 3 freaking hours to get de-iced. And I ended up landing too late to take the shuttle to Stanford and had to pay some exhorbitant amount to an Iranian cabbie who couldnt stop talking about Palestine. Sheesh...
And the dont serve meals in flight because airlines can't afford them any more.
9/11 -> reduction in customers and higher security expenditures -> bankrupt airlines.
Sorry for stealing your thunder with that explanation Minty ;)
sigh.. i hear you.. flying non stop from delhi to Toronto on a direct flight with indians all over the placve is hell i tell you.. never again.. lol thats all i can say!!
mangs- Thanks! Feeling better today.
jay- I forgot to add the part about the 3 crying babies all within 5 rows of me. I'm not looking forward to flying to India with the kids.
em- Vig stole my thunder. Also, they refuse to have real knives on board so imagine trying to cut meat with a spoon.
Vig- I'm in Chicago so I know the whole de-ice drill. There's something about flight delays that drains all the energy from your body.
Grrl- Non-stop from Delhi to Toronto?? That's crazy. Breathing that recirculated air while the sitting next to a man with a SARS cough. AGGHHH!
Two worst place to sit on a plane:
1. Near the toilets.
2. Right at the back.
I've been in both those places. In #1, it's self-explanatory. In #2, it always takes too long to things to reach you, and it takes absolutely ages for you to get off the plane.
... and this too shall pass!
Yes, I will vouch there are airports in Omaha. How do I know? Been there. Twice. Why? Family. Which is why I will take two restless children all the way to India. Argh.
oh and try sitting in a plane betweein two chattering old ladies who's lives DEPEND on them lettign you know their ENTIRE family tree.. and carrying the exact number of photographs to prove it!!
GHASTLY I TELL YOU!!and they SMELL!!
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