MY FIRST: Breakup

I know the series is called "My First" but my first 2 break-ups were not of particular note. They were pretty much on my terms and I had no ill-will towards anyone and vice versa. Break-up number three, however, stung like a kiddy pool filled with jelly fish.

Topher was a volunteer in the ER where I worked. He had aspirations of giving up his well-established career in insurance and going to medical school. He was different than the other guys in the ER. Unlike the cocky paramedics and the cockier medical residents, Topher was humbled by what he saw. He would hold the hand and sooth the nursing home residents while I drew blood. He would change the sheets on the beds without being asked. He even started bringing in bagels for the staff on days he would volunteer. Everyone liked Topher and he quickly became a bright spot in my long, weekend shifts. After about a month, I noticed that I started dressing different on days he would be there. The t-shirts I wore were always a little more flattering when he was scheduled. My hair would be done and I would apply my favorite lip gloss in anticipation. Soon we were calling each other all the time. He had my home and cell phone, I had his cell number. We never saw each other outside the ER and I never questioned it assuming it was a mutual decision to build on our friendship slowly. There was nothing more than mild flirting and I was actually a bit confused on what we were. On the day he received his acceptance letter to medical school Topher came to the ER to show all of us. It was a particularly horrendous night as far as patient volume and we barely had time to acknowledge him. I gave him a quick congrats hug and left the ER to go to the linen closet to get more sheets. As I walked down the hall I couldn't help but feel a little sad as I knew our days together were definitely numbered. The sadness was compounded by the fact that Topher probably considered me as a buddy and I felt silly that I built it up to much more in my head. After a few minutes, the door of the supply closet opened and there was Topher. The fact that it was a very movie scenario (linen closet, how cliche) did dawn on me and I insantly knew things were different. He asked me out to lunch the next day and I was euphoric. Lunch was at my favorite Middle Eastern restaurant and Topher proceeded to tell me how much I meant to him. How my support made him believe in himself. How he felt that we have a chance to be so much more to each other but we had to be patient. It started to drizzle as we walked back to the car and he put his arm around me as we huddled under the umbrella. When we got back to the car he leaned in and kissed me. A sweet, warm, tender, kiss that made me believe everything was going to be OK. When he dropped me off, my mom was unloading groceries from the car and he got out and proceeded to help her. When he left, mom commented what a nice, handsome boy he was. I laugh now because I realize that it only took 10 minutes to win my mom over with his sweet-talk and warm smile.

I will cut to the chase and say that I eventually found out that I was the other woman. The girlfriend of 4+ years owned a house with him. Bought a car with him. Had a cat named Snuggle-Kitty (gag!) with him. I was devastated when I found out. You gotta choose, I said, is it me or her? He said he loved me but it was complicated. I remember telling him that one day he would be sitting in a rocking chair when he's 85 years old and he'll know letting me go was the biggest mistake of his life. (Yes, I know...I watch WAY too many movies). I vowed never to see him again and proceeded to fall into a depression. I couldn't eat or sleep and everything around me reminded me of him. Melissa Etheridge kept me company as she sang what I felt (Cos I'm the only one who'll walk across a fire for you). Two weeks later he started medical school and stopped trying to get in touch with me. As much as I said that's what I wanted, my heart was still broken. A month later he came to the ER and cornered me in a room and said I was the one for him. I now know it's you I want, he cooed. I was a fool to believe him but I did. The next few months were filled with excuses about why he couldn't move out, why he couldn't leave her quite yet, why we still never had a date at night. Who knows. Maybe she was prone to hysterical outbursts and borderline suicidal as he said. It's so hard to pick and choose what I want to believe based on anything he told me. I eventually pulled back and he eventually stopped trying to win me over. The sting of the initial break-up was replaced by the realization that I was so much better off without him. Eventually I worked at the hospital where he went to school and we would see each other in the hall and stop for small talk. He took me out to lunch once after I met D and was thoroughly annoyed how much I gushed about him. He tried to kiss me in an exam room and I shot him the dirtiest look I think I've ever given anyone. He stopped all attempts at communication after that.

Topher is married. He moved back to Illinois after doing his residency in New York and is a pediatrician in some little town I've never heard of. I found out that I was actually one of many "other" women and am amazed that he had any time to spend with "her". Although he had a penchant for Indian women he was an equal opportunity cheat. I thank the stars that it didn't work out.