Defense is paper thin, just one touch and I'll be in.

I'm in such a foul mood. I got a total of 2.5 hours sleep because the combo of a new vitamin coupled with some cold medicine kept me hopped up all night. The only advantage of being up at 2am was I got to chat with old blogging friends across a few continents. I even got a head start on work when the UK office signed on around 3am. The UK staff thought I was really dedicated but I didn't bother setting them straight.

Read this post which really touched my heart. I live in a country where divorce is more or less widely accepted. (Note: I'm not making a judgment call. I 'm just pointing out a fact so if you're going to comment that I'm some sort of pro-divorce zealot save us both time and bite me.) However, if you are of a certain ethnic background there is still a major stigma associated with a "broken marriage". I recently saw a rerun of the Sopranos where Carmella tells her mob boss husband Tony that she has proceeded filing for a divorce to which he responds "We're Italian. We don't believe in divorce." I know plenty of divorced people. One of the guys in our circle of friends dated a girl for 6 months before he popped the question. It seems that as soon as the ring was placed on her finger the true Liz came out and the true Liz was a control freak. Liz was more concerned with the idea of getting married rather than the marriage itself. The planning of their lavish wedding took a toll on their relationship. Our friend kept downplaying her emotional swings as "wedding planning pressure". Seriously folks, the wedding ceremony is supposed to be symbolic rituals followed by a party. It's one day (or up to 2 weeks depending on your religion). The wedding is the easy part whereas the marriage is in the everyday good and bad. Anyway they separated 6 months after they got married. He's now happily remarried with a son while I believe she's still complaining that the roses in her bouquet were the wrong shade of lavender.

My cousin AJ is a wonderfully nice guy. He's 30, friendly, smart (surgeon). When he was in medical school in Europe he would spend his summer breaks with my parents in Chicago. AJ is also a sensitive guy. Tragically his 18 year old brother died when AJ was 11 and I think an event like that stays with you forever. AJ's mom has had some issues with depression which I think has, for the most part, gone untreated. His brother's death broke an already fragile marriage. My uncle barely came home after that and about 10 years ago married an Indian woman who worked with him in Saudi Arabia. My aunt seemed oblivious to it all and her mental health took yet another nose dive. There were stories of her giving away stuff from the house to leaching friends and relatives. It would start with little trinkets brought back from the Gulf and at some point escalated to the all the dishes in the house disappearing. AJ says he doesn't want to get married but I know the truth. He doesn't want to relive it or explain it all to some Ammachi who's trying to marry off her ultra-fair niece.

My cousin L and I got married right around the same time. The nitty gritty of it all as told by my busybody aunt is this: Aiyo! Minty mol is going to marry some white man she met somewhere (through friends). No, he doesn't have his Master's Degree. I think his family is farmers (Yeah. Wisconsin automatically meant farming). Thank God he's Catholic (ha! I went to church way more then D ever did) so their children will be saved. (just got the ring on the finger and she was planning out my off-spring). In comparison L had an "arranged marriage" (i.e. her relatives introduced her to someone they thought was suitable). She's an accountant and he's a doctor. They had checked this guy out and he looked great on paper. Unfortunately paper doesn't show stuff like overbearing mother-in-laws and the grooms increasing penchant for drinking with the boys. A few years ago we heard L got a divorce and people mercilessly speculated that it was all her fault. When L came down for my sister's wedding when we went out one night she confided the whole sordid story to me. Her high paying job at some multinational company was being phased out so she received a great severence package that included 6 months of pay and benefits. She goes home to India (mind you she was raised in London) and was relentlessly badgered by a few relatives about how old she was (26) and how she owed it to her parents to get settled down (her dad wasn't in the best of health at that time). She refused but after about a month she started believing it all. Now anyone who knows my cousin L, knows she's the life of the party. She is EXTREMELY outgoing and affectionate with everyone, including (gasp) men. She said the first few guys (or their moms) were completely scared off by her use of direct eye contact and her knack for conversation. By the time her future husband came along, she was beginning to believe that this was her only chance at a happy life. She ended up marrying a guy who was the biggest momma's boy on the planet. She couldn't have a drink without being referred to as an alcoholic. All of a sudden her shirts were too tight and married women don't wear shorts (even in 90 degree days in London). The friction between them intensified and it all came to a head one night when he hit her. She says hit but from the scene she describes it sounds worse. They're divorced now. L refuses to explain her reasons to the random people that ask. The height of it was her ex-mother-in-law confronting her saying she has forever disgraced her father and no one will ever want her. I'm stunned when she tells me this. I'm even more stunned when I realize she actually believes it.