To Whom it May Concern

I'm not sure why you have such an aversion to putting your socks in the hamper. Somehow you are under the impression that scattering your stinky socks around the house adds to the decor. I've begged. I've pleaded. I've even put the damn socks in the hamper myself. Now it's war. Starting today I will keep any loose socks that are laying around. Yes, I am taking your socks hostage. By my estimation you will be down to only ragged white gym socks within 9 days. I can't wait to see you wear them with your suit and dress shoes.

Game on my friend.